In honor of the 4th of July my sister Katie and I decided to participate in the great American pasttime: rampant consumerism.
We trekked out to the National Harbor outlet mall where I finally embraced my inner Dave Rose and loaded up on some sweet v’s.
- The only thing more American than shopping at an outlet mall is apparently coming to a dead stop in the middle of major thoroughfares and blocking the way for everyone else.
- Our other sister Liz begged us to come hang out with her at her house and this happened:
Price is Right-cap
Oh fuck, I forgot to write this earlier. Ummm, it was 4th of July themed. I was mostly talking to my new roommate. Also, there was a dollar on the wheel during both Showcase Showdowns which just adds credence to my theory that the showdowns are rigged.
Best Moment: A dude absolutely rocked 1/2 Off narrowing it down to two boxes! He chose box #4 “in honor of Beyoncè.” He won $10,000 in case you ever doubted the power of Beyoncè.
Worst Moment: They played Hole in One [or Two] and Drew missed the putt. Bob Barker is still rolling in his grave.
By the Numbers
Sobriety: 5/10. My brother-in-law Wes and I had a few beers.
Healthy Eating: 0/10. Even after hearing all I’d had during the day was coffee, my sisters refused to let me eat. At one point Liz came out with a bag of Tortilla chips and said “well this is MY dinner.”
Sanity: 7/10. I somehow kept it together and didn’t murder any outlet shoppers.
True Love: 0/10. A woman on Bumble asked me how I was celebrating the 4th and I responded “I don’t really think America deserves celebrating.”