Weekend Update: All I Ever Wanted!

Ugh, so much adventure. I need a vacation from this vacation!


  • Spent Saturday hitting up more thrift stores and farmer’s markets with my parents. 
  • I found the greatest button ever at the Allentown Farmer’s Market and my mom expressly forbid me from buying it. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I GROW UP AND MOVE OUT.

  • My parents and I made “wine slushies” on Saturday night. They’re white wine blended with frozen apple cider. Us Boltons party hard. 
  • My dad and I watched Head of the Family together. It was a beautiful bonding moment if you ignore all the sex and violence in that movie.
  • I spent Sunday with my former TalkJams co-hosts Zack and James playing games and making fun of Zack. Video games are stupid and I hate them. I also hate Zack and James.
  • We got lunch/dinner at a hibachi restaurant that was almost entirely empty. Hibachi is much less fun when it’s just three awkward dudes playing Pokemon Go. It didn’t occur to us until we were leaving that one of the employees was controlling the two nearby gyms. That, or a dude named “Koimonger” was coincidentally spending a lot of time near a restaurant with a koi pond. 
  • After lunch we saw a dude wearing jean shorts, knee socks and a fanny pack and listening to a discman with old school wraparound headphones walk into a local game shop. We immediately began to weave a rich tapestry about his personal life mostly focusing on his unconventional, but active sex life. After a minute we turned around and he was DIRECTLY behind us. He didn’t react, but that doesn’t make us any less horrible.
  • I’ve logged almost 200 miles in my studio apartment on wheels and I’m starting to get the hang of it. Why don’t we all drive cars everywhere?

By the Numbers 

Sobriety: 9/10. Unlike most people I actually drink less on vacation.

Healthy Eating: 6/10. I’ve been eating a lot of garbage, but at least I’ve been eating!

Sanity: 5/10. I’m spending a lot of my free time chasing after imaginary creatures.

True Love: 0/10. Friendship is bullshit.

Steps: 13,936

Vacation Hoagies: Still just 1. I don’t even know who I am anymore.


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