Day 67: Jorts

I finally surrendered to the holes forming in the crotch of my jeans and decided to buy a new pair. As for the old pair, I fashion them into a pair of stylish jorts.

I used the spare denim from the bottom half of the jeans to create patches. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find my real sewing kit so I had to use a separate patch kit that had small lengths of a bunch of different colored threads. If anything, this just improved my new jorts by making the shoddy sewing more diverse in color. I supplemented my sewing with super glue.

Fun fact: when you use super glue on denim, it creates an exothermic reaction. My pants were almost literally on fire.


  • I slept until noon today despite going to bed at a semi-reasonable hour.
  • The man I bought my jeans from decided to sing Michael Bolton songs at me as I walked away. He was a delightful older gentleman or I would have punched him.
  • I finished the second season of Justified and let me just reiterate that character actress Margot Martindale is an absolute treasure.

By the Numbers

Sobriety: 7/10. I had a few social drinks today.

Healthy Eating: 2/10. All I ate was a second cheesesteak that I wrapped up yesterday.

Sanity: 8/10. A-ok cap’n!

True Love: 1/10. I had my first official date of funemployment. Before I got there I made a list of things not to talk about:

  • my jorts
  • my sexual attraction to murder
  • my funemployment
  • my felony arrest

I managed to bring up every topic. Also, a girl I went on a few dates with in the winter showed up at the bar and tried to blow up my spot. Somehow, I got a second date out of this mess.

Steps: 5,977


2 thoughts on “Day 67: Jorts”

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