Day 86: Beef

Of all the dumb shit I’ve said on this blog, apparently I crossed a line yesterday when I said that Wunder Garten is an ad for REI. Shaken to her core, the PR person for Wunder Garten found it necessary to reach out to me with a correction.

Hello,

I saw your comment regarding Wunder Garten. We’re really sorry you feel that way! We partner with REI while they are waiting to move into their space and hosting some very cool events for the hardcore outdoor types. We are not actually the same entity as them, but a locally owned and operated beer garden and recipient of a NoMa community award. Later this month REI will no longer be in the Wunder Garten space, as their permanent location will be opening, and Wunder Garten will be back to little old us. Hopefully you will revisit!

Thanks,
Kelsey

Here’s my response, which I’m not going to bother to send, but will post for loyal blog reader Kelsey:

Kelsey,

Is this really the best use of your time?  Wunder Garten’s address is wrong on Google and Yelp, your website landing page is unreadable white text over an image that you poorly jury-rigged to make it read well on mobile without bothering to make it look presentable on a desktop, and despite being in your second year of operation you still don’t make the first page of search results for “beer garden dc.” Instead of addressing any of these issues you’re sitting here sending messages to random idiots assuring them that you’re more than a corporate shill.

Also, it’s not exactly clear why Wunder Garten can’t be both an independent business and an ad for REI. Do you think it’s just a random coincidence that REI is paying you to slather yourselves in their branding and host “very cool events for the hardcore outdoor types” just two blocks from their soon to open DC flagship store?

Honestly, being an ad for REI makes you guys look better. As an ad, you’re kitschy community outreach that not only ingratiates REI with the neighborhood, but helps them to better connect with their target demographic of “millennials with excess time and money.” As an independent business, you’re a trailer in a parking lot serving overpriced beer.

Best of luck with your continued employment at REI.

Love,
Michael

Not Wunder Garten’s correct address and not a photo of their current space

Highlights!

  • I went to bed at a reasonable hour and still slept until almost 1 PM. I probably would have slept even later, but then I remembered I had to be at work at 3:30 PM. I was late.
  • Apparently people don’t like to go out drinking the night after a long weekend. There were only 2 teams playing trivia at Atlas tonight, but I kicked BOTH their asses. Suck it couple on a date and one of our investors and his buddy!
  • OK back to Kelsey real quick: I have repeatedly mentioned Atlas, a place that employs me, in a way that I’m sure they don’t 100% approve of and have never heard a single word from them about it. What kinda Google Alerts do you have set up, Kelsey?

By the Numbers

Sobriety: 8/10.

Healthy Eating: 6/10. I ate the thai food I didn’t have for dinner for lunch, and had a chicken caesar salad for dinner. That is a pretty good day.

Sanity: 9/10. Fueled by rage, I’ve somehow managed to become even MORE sane!

True Love: 2/10. Why are there a bunch of random bobby pins strewn about my apartment?

Steps: 4,947

 

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2 thoughts on “Day 86: Beef”

  1. Careful about your employers reading your shit online. They might browse through your email looking for trouble, Ctrl + F their name (and their wife’s name), read your crap for 90 straight minutes, and then fire you through your coworkers because they’re too cowardly to talk to you their own selves.

    I speak purely hypothetically, of course.

    Like

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