Weekend Update: Funemployed All Night

I set a few new rules for myself: No caffeine after noon and no drinking alone. I had to break the coffee rule on Sunday because I was too hungover to function. 


  • I went to Art All Night with my friends Leatt and Laural on Saturday, and it was fantastic! My favorite part was the “glo party” which was an empty lot with two strands of lights on the ground and about a dozen sad people dancing to quiet music. I wish we could have stayed there forever. 
  • After arting it up, we went to Ivy and Coney and ran into people Laural went to high school with. Then, we went to Dodge City and ran into other friends of ours. DC is small as fuck. 
  • My roommate has friends visiting, so he’s sleeping in the living room. That’s annoying enough, but he was taking a nap out there Sunday afternoon.
  • I spent Sunday catching up on Atlanta. Donald Glover is really good at crafting scenes that are intense and tragic, but still absurdly hilarious. 

Boo Berreview

This was just going to be a highlight, but it turns out I have a lot to say about Boo Berry. 

Boo Berry is just blue styrofoam. It felt like I was chewing air, and randomly hitting chunks of sugar. Also, Boo Berry, Franken Berry and Count Chocula all use the same marshmallows? What is this shit?

The only ingredients for Boo Berry are corn and sugar. Is “whole grain corn” even a real thing?

My sister Katie asked what Boo Berry is running for, and I honestly have no clue. The box is very vague, and only references an “election.” If I had to guess, he’s running for President of Monsters. The incumbent, Godzilla, was term limited out. I’m voting for Fruit Brute.

By the Numbers

Sobriety: 7/10. I drank a lot on Saturday, but that’s all I drank. 

Healthy Eating: 3/10. Leatt and I ordered a pizza at 4 AM, but were too tired to eat it. That’s what I ate all Sunday. 

Sanity: 8/10. Yay life!

True Love: 1/10. I had 2 dates this weekend, and took them both to Right Proper because I think I’m hilarious. 

The Saturday date was an improved version of one of my exes, which was deeply unnerving. It was a pretty good date, though. 

The Sunday date only lasted about 15 minutes and was hilariously terrible. I don’t know what she expected – I’m pretty honest about being a crazy degenerate- but she was not on board from the second she got there. After 10 minutes of stilted smalltalk, she went to the bathroom and I started texting people about the terrible date I was on. By total coincidence, while she was in the bathroom her boss texted her and something something she had to be at work early, so she had to leave. I just checked, and she unmatched me on Bumble.

Steps: 22,691.


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