Day 11: Gettin’ Baked

Today was a sleepy fucking day.


  • I decided the middle of the night was a perfect time to bake banana nut muffins. They turned out pretty terribly.img_1622
  • I woke up at around 6:00 AM to a pretty bad storm, closed my windows and thought “well, today’s a wash.”
  • When I woke up again at noon it was beautiful out so I decided to spend the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing.
  • I started watching Netflix’s new Voltron series because Voltron is the best and Rhys Darby is in it. I still haven’t started the new season of Orange is the New Black.

Price is Right-Cap

I slept through Price is Right today. Apparently I missed Plinko

Best Moment: Sleeping

Worst Moment: Apparently I missed Plinko.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 6/10. I took some sips throughout the day

Healthy Eating: 2/10. All I’ve eaten today were some shitty banana nut muffins.

Sanity: 4/10. See above

True Love: 0/10. It’s hard to find love when you never talk to people.


Day 10: The Price Was Finally Right

I’ve been watching a lot of American Ninja Warrior, and I’m sick of hearing these people’s personal stories. Nobody watching cares why a person’s there, they just want to see people crash and fall while doing stunts. Just pick a few interesting people and tell their story.

When everyone gets a turn, you get shit like the woman who does ninja training to help combat her Parkinson’s being followed by a douche who wants to be his college class president.


  • I’ve been bingeing a lot of The Americans recently. In one of the episodes I watched today the characters rattled off about a dozen locations in DC. Maybe I’ll visit all of them for an adventure. Got a better idea for an adventure? Suggest one!
  • My friend James tried to point out a mistake I made in my Day 9 post. He said I mentioned and linked to a photo from Day 8, but the photo was actually from my Weekend Update. Obviously he didn’t get the joke.
  • Judge Judy was on at the gym today. The case revolved around two elderly women throwing cat poop at each other. I feel like it’s time to end this show.
  • Finally had people come by to check out the room in my apartment and I had the longest conversation I’ve ever had with my current roommate. She has lived here for a year.



Price is Right-Cap

This is the episode I have been demanding all funemployment. I turned it on to a woman straight up slaying One Away on her first guess. You might even say she got the right price.

After her, a contestant’s wife coached him to guessing the exact price of the item on Contestants Row, and then an almost perfect round on Cliffhangers. He was only off by $5 between 3 items and guessed the first price exactly.

Finally, a Great Grandma with ice water in her veins strutted up to bitchslap everyone. Not only did she have a perfect round on Stack the Deck, she also spun a dollar on the wheel without even noticing.

The Showcase was between Cliffhangers dude and Great Grandma with GG winning. After she won, her equally adorable husband come waddling out to hug everyone.

Best Moment: After the woman destroyed One Away, she hugged Drew so hard she picked him up off the ground, then sprinted over to her car and started posing on it.

Worst Moment: My friend Dylan was talking mad shit about GG for the whole Showcase. It was sad.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 7/10. It was a pretty perfect day for a beer.

Healthy Eating: 4/10. I’m only giving myself such a high grade because one of the few things I ate today was grapes.

Sanity: 4/10. I saw two cars engaging in what can only be described as a psychotic battle of road rage and laughed loudly and heartily. I alarmed a couple who were a few dozen yards behind me.

True Love: 0/10. Two ninja warriors who were famous for being a couple broke up, and now I don’t believe in love anymore.

Day 8: Slow Recovery

I’m pretty sure I’m still dead from this weekend.


  • I didn’t get home until after midnight, and immediately watched Game of Thrones. At this point I take seasons 1, 3, 4 and 5 of this show as a personal insult. If the show always had the ability to be this compelling and interesting why did they wait so long to do it?
  • I was supposed to show my apartment to a potential roommate tonight but she didn’t show up. It was pretty annoying. Know somebody looking for a room? Don’t tell them I’ll probably talk shit about them on my blog.
  • I also established the official Fun With Funemployment Facebook page. Tell your friends!
  • There are currently two bottles of wine under my name at the Hotel Monaco in DC. Feel free to go and get them for yourself.

Price is Right-Cap

It’s really hard to come up with compelling takes on what happened in an episode of Price is Right. This week’s episode featured several close-up shots of one of the models’ cleavage which seems a little inappropriate considering she was modeling a bracelet.

Best Moment: A contestant was named Dawn Johnson, and Drew was gracious enough to only make one Miami Vice reference.

Worst Moment: George tried to ride a luggage scooter and failed miserably.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 10/10. I can’t even look at alcohol right now.

Healthy Eating: 8/10. I actually ate mostly like a normal person today.

  • String Cheese Count: 4. I have finally killed the string cheese.

Sanity: 7/10. I never left my apartment or talked to anyone today but it wasn’t my fault!

True Love: 0/10. Well I know one rude potential roommate I won’t be dating!

Weekend Update: Wedding Edition

This weekend I missed my cousin’s wedding, so first off 1000 Congrats to Jamie and Nick I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but you kids are gonna be alright!

Now the reason I had to miss my cousin’s wedding was because it was ALSO my friends Sam and Susan’s wedding and we came to party.


I’m a little shocked at how many people expected me to do something rude or obnoxious at the wedding. Susan already thinks I’m an immature monster because when we first met I talked about not owning a microwave, so I was on my best behavior.

Once the reception ended though, all bets were off. The wedding was in National Harbor, which of course meant it was time for some drunk ferris wheel riding! Things started off inauspicious enough with me tripping and almost face-planting in my friend James’ crotch much to the horror of the teen working there.

Here I am living it up on the wheel when I wasn’t repeatedly quoting The Third Man to everyone else’s annoyance.

Somehow, despite choosing to sleep on my sister’s couch in Alexandria instead of taking an Uber all the way home in the middle of the night and being unsure if I was going to vomit or just curl up and die, I managed to get showered and dressed and make it to Atlas Brew Works for a morning shift in their tasting room. While there I accidentally got a bunch of extra shifts to better help sustain my funemployment.

You’d think after all that I’d go home and rest or maybe just not drink, but instead I went out to grab drinks with people and prepare to watch the big basketball match. I’m sad that the Golden State Warriors lost, but the Cavaliers just played better as reflected by the score.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 1/10. My liver hates me and I hate it.

Healthy Eating: 2/10. I had a shit load of delicious food at the wedding and a very nice woman gave me some delicious tostadas at the brewery, but I didn’t have any other food all weekend.

  • String Cheese Count: what is string cheese?

Sanity: 7/10. I’m very sleepy.

True Love: 10/10. The truest love of all is friendship

Day 1: It Begins

Hello and welcome to my first day of funemployment!

It hasn’t really sunk in yet that I am out of work, probably because I spent a nice chunk of the day talking to my co-workers about stuff that probably should have been addressed before I left.


  • Despite my best efforts, I woke up this morning at 6:57 AM. I finally gave up trying to go back to sleep at 9:00 AM, but stayed in bed playing with my phone until about 10:30 AM.
  • I’ve taken it upon myself to start a deep clean of my whole apartment. Is this how I plan to channel my stress over being unemployed, or are my roommates just slobs and my house is fucking gross? Only time will tell!
  • I ended my first day of Funemployment by taking a mini-road trip with friend and genuine class act (Alec Guinness Cat) Laural to see Flight of the Conchords at Wolf Trap out in Virginia. Here’s a picture of me at the show:


    Hoo boy, if you are a fan of Flight of the Conchords you sure would have enjoyed this show! Their new stuff is full of the classic banter we all love, and the old standards were well represented. If you aren’t a fan of awkward dudes rambling, then you probably wouldn’t dig it . . . or this blog

Price is Right-Cap

As you hopefully know by now, I am taking suggestions for adventures I can take during my funemployment. Feel free to suggest your own adventure!

My first suggested adventure comes from Dr. Chim Richalds (I don’t get the reference, but I know this was my friend Dylan) who writes:

Watch the Price is Right. Everyday. Wake up for it, make a solid 10:59am alarm Monday-Friday

So, I will be dedicating this section to a daily recap of The Price is Right.

This week’s Price is Right was pre-empted by Obama speaking about yesterday’s tragedy in Orlando, so I can’t present  full review. Overall it was a pretty underwhelming episode though. Everyone was terrible at spinning the wheel, and a woman missed her showcase by $12,000 because she thought it was cute to bid $24,680.

Best Moment: The very first contestant of the day was celebrating his best friend’s bachelorette party. After winning a trip for 2 to Aruba he looked directly at her and shouted “I’m keeping it!” Good on you, sir.

Worst Moment: A woman on Contestant’s Row bid $1303 only for the very next contestant to bid $1301. The crowd was visibly and audibly disgusted by the second contestant’s ignorance. They both lost to the woman who bid $1.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 7/10. I had 3 beers during the concert, and am drinking one right now. Bad for a Monday, but probably fine for a delightful summer concert out in the sun.

Healthy Eating: 6/10. I started SO WELL today! I had a delightful egg sandwich with spring mix and blackberries on the side for breakfast, but then I forgot to eat lunch and only had chips and other garbage snacks for dinner at the concert. This rating would be lower, but I also had some grapes and cherries.

Sanity: 8/10. [probably the highest I’d ever be comfortable rating myself on here – Ed.] Even with the added stress of dealing with post-concert traffic I didn’t do anything rash or erratic all day. I don’t expect to stay this even keeled for long.

True Love Rating: 0/10. I did not find true love today.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any questions or suggestions in the comments, and tell your friends.