Day 32: Lasagna For One

Since I made such a big stink about wanting to cook for myself again I decided I should actually go grocery shopping.

My first attempt was going to Trader Joe’s where I remembered that I actually hate Trader Joe’s. I loaded up on dumplings and then got out of there.

In my second attempt, I went to Giant and got a shit ton of edible if not sustainable produce, and got the supplies to make a lasagna.

I took out the ground beef and replaced it with hot Italian sausage. I also put fresh spinach in the first and 3rd layers and fresh basil in the 2nd layer. If I had to do it again, I’d probably include more sausage because it doesn’t break apart as easily as ground beef, but on the whole it was fucking delicious.


  • As much as I complained that I wanted to stop the Price is Right-cap to open up my schedule, I stayed in bed until 11 AM anyway.
  • After reading yesterday’s post, Laural reached out to me with tidings of friendship. I told her I didn’t feel like hanging out, because I’m an asshole and a terrible friend.
  • My war with TD Bank has entered a new stage. Today they cancelled my debit card. When I called to complain, the very nice woman told me my card was cancelled because they were switching me over to my new chip card. That would be fine HAD THEY INFORMED ME OR EVER ACTUALLY SENT ME A NEW CARD. In closing, fuck TD Bank to death.
  • I was about to finally unfollow my old job on social media because of how absolutely horrible and banal their posts are, but then my old co-worker Cathy pointed out it’s worth watching to see how bad it’ll get.
  • FX decided that the day The Americans finally got the Emmy nominations it has always deserved was the perfect time to pull the new season from their streaming platform. Maybe if FX Now wasn’t such a garbage platform I would have finished the season earlier.
  • In much happier news, Hannibal season 3 is finally on Amazon Prime! Hannibal is still one of the best things to ever be on television and the only positive thing to come from its cancellation is that Bryan Fuller is now fully focusing on American Gods, which is also shaping up to be pretty spectacular.

By the Numbers

Sobriety: 8/10. I got carded at the liquor store today, which indicates how long it’s been since I was there. I was there to get bourbon for what I have deemed the official drink of Funemployment.

It’s just bourbon with basil and lemonade, but the mason jar really brings it to the next level.

Healthy Eating: 10/10. I ate three delicious meals today and am stocked to continue eating well for a few days now.

Sanity: 7/10. I got kinda mad at some stuff today.

True Love: 0/10. What is love?

Steps: 5,923


Day 10: The Price Was Finally Right

I’ve been watching a lot of American Ninja Warrior, and I’m sick of hearing these people’s personal stories. Nobody watching cares why a person’s there, they just want to see people crash and fall while doing stunts. Just pick a few interesting people and tell their story.

When everyone gets a turn, you get shit like the woman who does ninja training to help combat her Parkinson’s being followed by a douche who wants to be his college class president.


  • I’ve been bingeing a lot of The Americans recently. In one of the episodes I watched today the characters rattled off about a dozen locations in DC. Maybe I’ll visit all of them for an adventure. Got a better idea for an adventure? Suggest one!
  • My friend James tried to point out a mistake I made in my Day 9 post. He said I mentioned and linked to a photo from Day 8, but the photo was actually from my Weekend Update. Obviously he didn’t get the joke.
  • Judge Judy was on at the gym today. The case revolved around two elderly women throwing cat poop at each other. I feel like it’s time to end this show.
  • Finally had people come by to check out the room in my apartment and I had the longest conversation I’ve ever had with my current roommate. She has lived here for a year.



Price is Right-Cap

This is the episode I have been demanding all funemployment. I turned it on to a woman straight up slaying One Away on her first guess. You might even say she got the right price.

After her, a contestant’s wife coached him to guessing the exact price of the item on Contestants Row, and then an almost perfect round on Cliffhangers. He was only off by $5 between 3 items and guessed the first price exactly.

Finally, a Great Grandma with ice water in her veins strutted up to bitchslap everyone. Not only did she have a perfect round on Stack the Deck, she also spun a dollar on the wheel without even noticing.

The Showcase was between Cliffhangers dude and Great Grandma with GG winning. After she won, her equally adorable husband come waddling out to hug everyone.

Best Moment: After the woman destroyed One Away, she hugged Drew so hard she picked him up off the ground, then sprinted over to her car and started posing on it.

Worst Moment: My friend Dylan was talking mad shit about GG for the whole Showcase. It was sad.

By The Numbers

Sobriety: 7/10. It was a pretty perfect day for a beer.

Healthy Eating: 4/10. I’m only giving myself such a high grade because one of the few things I ate today was grapes.

Sanity: 4/10. I saw two cars engaging in what can only be described as a psychotic battle of road rage and laughed loudly and heartily. I alarmed a couple who were a few dozen yards behind me.

True Love: 0/10. Two ninja warriors who were famous for being a couple broke up, and now I don’t believe in love anymore.