My friend Phil was in NYC for a wedding, and what started as me joking about taking a bus up on Monday to grab drinks with him and our friend Krysti slowly snowballed into me booking an 11 AM bus that got me into NYC at 4 PM with a return ticket for 5 AM on Tuesday.
- When I got on the bus to NYC I passed a dude who was sprawled out over the entire seat, sultrily sipping from a juice box. He is my new hero.
- For the first time ever, a small child sat next to me on the bus. He spent the vast majority of the ride singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and I only almost strangled him to death once, which is pretty impressive for me.
- I originally planned to meet my friend Luke for a separate round of drinks at Peculiar Pub as we wanted to hit up one of our old college haunts, but on my way there I passed Blind Tiger, which is a much better bar that I sincerely forgot existed. It was a good call, because I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle drinking surrounded by a bunch of NYU students.
- Because Luke and I are pretty good at sitting around talking shit, I was super late to meet Phil at the first stop in their happy hour. By the time I got there everyone was leaving to go watch the debates. I’ve made it a point not to engage in politics much during this election, because at this point reasonable discourse has long been destroyed by dog whistles, but I figured a room of NYU grads would agree with all the things I angrily shouted at the TV. Things were going fine until Trump started bragging about how much Netanyahu loves him, and I screamed “fuck Netanyahu!” The room was awkwardly silent for a second.
- After the debate we met up with our friend Krysti at McSorley’s which is a great bar when it’s empty or if your friend has spent years building close personal relationships with the entire staff like Krysti has.
- McSorley’s closes at 1 AM and we still had 3 hours of raging ahead of us, so we went around the corner to The Copper Still, which is owned by one of the bartenders from McSorley’s and doesn’t close until 4 AM – like a bar should. While we were there, one of Phil’s friends realized she lost her phone, and that set off a series of misadventures that ended with Phil running off alone to meet the guy who found her phone up on 14th street – still unclear how the phone got so far away – despite him being super drunk and his phone being dead. I was about to go searching for him when he stumbled back in with the phone as if nothing happened.
- I got to my bus at 4:30 AM, scarfed down the everything bagel I bought from a deli and immediately passed out. I’m sure I did something embarrassing, but not enough to make any of my fellow passengers yell at me.
- I probably would have spent all of Tuesday in bed, but Boundary Stone was hosting Battle of the Barrel Aged Beers III and I couldn’t miss that! After my first tasting I started sweating, which was probably a bad sign. I got back home around 8 PM and immediately passed the fuck out.
By the Numbers
Sobriety: -10/10. See Above
Healthy Eating: 0/10. I had a burger at McSorley’s and half a chicken sandwich at Boundary Stone.
Sanity: 5/10. No reasonable person would spend 2 days doing this to themselves.
True Love: 0/10. I spent a lot of Monday drunk texting the girl I went out with on Saturday, and accidentally invited her to Boundary Stone on Tuesday. She lived up to her description of being a better version of my ex when she ended the date by telling me she really didn’t have time for me and my nonsense, and we probably shouldn’t hang out again.